whn life seems to end....

went to this very very very boring party....just mechanical ga velli tinni vocham:(....
didn't want to go but cudn't say no to teh birthday gal.kahan rtc x roads kahan jhills.... but it was nice to b bac at crystal after a loooooong time (remember my 10th birthday party !!....ashwin anna in formals!! gosh half hyd was stunned n thiose pics were sold out!!) but this tim eit was not the same....in these some 10 yrs RTC x roads has changed like anything ...used to spend all my summer hols in amammaz apartment there par abhi it look sliek a totally new place....mom told me to get into 45 n come to ameerpet n frm there in an auto, instead of teh via koti route rohini sggested, rohini dropped me @ the bus stop n i was there waiting in a completely strange place for abt 20 mins.........no 45..........my heart beat started raising......it was abt 8-45pm.first time i was all alone in a bus stop at tht hour...probably it was tehfear of loosing my gold medal frm my purse (yea the same purse frm where i lost my dearmost cell)....thn finally thot ok whichever bus comes next i am going to board it n i get a 1 to stn ok will atleast get a 47 or 10H..... but i was not sure i fu get any bus at abt 9-30pm...awww......but i didn't want to get into an auto!! thn finally after an anxious 1/2 hr i get this 2 10z n a 47 Y to filmnagar....i ran like a hell from th 10H stop to the 47.....god knows why i got so scared .....i started breathing so heavily.but was relieved called up mom who was twice as anxious n told dad to pick me up frm teh bus stp.....i thot my breathing will get normal whn i get bac home...it didn't. stayed out in the cool breeze for long hoping it will get normal....it didn't.....finally thot sleeping wud help......managed 2 hrs sleep thn cudn't sleep anymore........walked all around the house tried drinking water no use.... mom woke up n was scared.......thot of taking me to doc.i didn't feel the need of a doc ...thn amma did some home remedy..... it helped a bit but thn suddenly i got so scared ..donno why but i got really scared thot i wud die tht very moment god knows why i felt tht way but i did....thn thot me n my imagination.....kani tht very moment in momz arms i was life oh god my folks can't live without me..n will i die without getting an admit frm UC?? strange me!!
thank god it was just just for a few seconds, else i wud hav died of fear.....donno whtz gone wrong with me after coming to hyd..my immune system has crashed.... i am so easily infected.....1/2 hr in pollution n am dead...with throat pain suffocation n wht not....
wish i die without suffering n i wish teh same for all my dear ones...

ANU - XXVI COnvocation

Finally teh day arrived when i got to wear the robe n all.........quite a feeling i must say. Sushil Kumar shinde the governer was all set to give me my "Sir Arthur Cotton Gold medal" for being first in university for civil........too bad they didn't give it out to all branches, i was lucky to hav a donor...some sweet fellow frm vijaywada. the funniest part of it was "Bramhi uncle" got a honorary degree"Doctorate of letters' he was so excited (at least i felt so).. n wht honours tht nageswara reddy has....... baap re i just wish i get at least one-tenth of them in my lifetime...
When Princi (incidentally Dean of faculty of engg) called up my name my heart started beating so fast....am i good enuf fo rthis medal???...the same question poped up.....but thn the cameras tookover.
the whole exp was good i was among the 4 engg students to get gold medals.......the rest frm sciences, arts n law streams wore 2-3 medal each....cudn't believe ppl did Phd in law....enta opika!!
but cudn't go to Bptl.....:(, but will go in april to get another medal:)

cold cough and chakor bali...

what a weekend.....starts with amma scolding me for skipping the gym, continues with a new project at office(another water distribution:( (really wonder if the ppl out there wud ever get water from my distribution system .....hope for the best!!), n thn to add the spice cold and cough.........thn chakor bali......wadda movie(oka mukka ardham ayte vottu!)
after almost ages all four of us went for a drive to.......no points for guessing the place....cognizant n durgam cheruvu....tried talking anna into subway kani no luc dadz always furious abt eating out.... anna suggested while returning frm temple early morning kani thn dad had made gajar ka halwa...:D,n now whn we were abt to order pizza annaz frnds called him out X-(.... no luc @ shopping either god knows when i will get a new pair of shoes....its been so long since i hav got tht perrfect pair the last one was the italian sole wala leather shoes,i still hav it but u can't wear the same shoes for 2 years!!!
still working on my TAMU Vs Clemson dilema, hope to solve it soon......
arjun annaz wedding fixed n in nov n tht too in hyd!!!..hopefully i won't b here aaaah i made so many plans of going bac to the east.....being in kolkotta agin wud hav been so much fun, cud hav caught up with ashmita....parrr ok....socha tha bengoli bhabhi se kanthas of bengal demand karenge, misti doi khayenge, sondesh n all the oodness of bengal....lesse...chalo kuch bhi ho i am happy tht arjun annaz getting married at last, hav been waiting for this moment for so long, chalo acha has some link with east bana rahega..but the to-be -bhabhi looked so.begoli......hahah funny but the moment i looked at her pic all i said " she looks so begoli" amma said bengois bengoli nahin dikhenge to kya hum tum dikhenge...true.......par socha tha arjun annaz choice wud b different he being so philosophical. sophisticated n all thot his coice wud b some very different girl..tho i donno a thing abt binitha but still ......... too bad i cudn't get thru wisconsin, wud hav had chance to b with thm

aaaaaaaah jana tha japan pahonch gaye chin.......wht did i start writting abt n wht am i writting!!!
chalo kafi hai aaj ke liye

203 reunion

203 reunion........thanx a ton subaniji for going out of town n letting me slip outta office to get together with my dearmost frnds.........
phir wohi sor phir wohi gana bajana wohi counters, wohi titlu wohi masti...........supercool. lived good ol hostel days again for 2 hours. in jsut thanx to my stars mahi was here for some paper presentation so caught up with all news frm hostel...........all ash -nonash gola all teh "interesting SFI" stuff.......
Bechara Sridhar was confused if he had come to his home or somewhere else(hehe)
n teh wedding pics......vani n her time with pics!! n there was this pick we all want to lift......the pic with me all over. i don rem why i was in teh front leaving teh bride n groom in teh background (heheheh me!!)
bac home @ 9-30 pm after 5 calls frm worried mom (first time so late!!)
cut 2 location change:office
saleem sir-kal saab hyd ko 5 baje aagaye teh na APUSP gaye the......
me: awwwwwwwww wht if he found out i was not in APUSP!!!!!
thn suddenly, subhani sir: amma veechika!!
grrrrrr he found out:((...............aww jaldi jaldi veechi kuch socho!!
bang!!
subhani sir:is this teh letter they gave u....was it like this whn they gave u??
me::: awwww i kept it in my bag sir, marchipota ani:)
subz: u shud take catre of such imp letter blah blah blah.............
((hahhahaaha.........)) ok sir!
neat na!!
am just waiting for this TS...may b by early next week wud get it n bas with teh draft letter apna resignation letter dedungi:) hav been thinking this for last 2 months
now therez this road project amam asked me to do...
dekhenge....miles to go before i sleep

By myself

What do I do to ignore wats behind me
Do I follow my faith to escape blindly.
Do I hide my mind I away from these bad dreams
And give into sad thoughts that are maddening.
Do I let it go and try to stand it,
Or do I try to catch them red handed.
Do I trust some and give into phoniness,
Or do i, trust none and live life in lonliness.
Sunlight burns the skin of sleepy men,
I make the right turns but I’m lost w/in
I put on my daily full side but then
I just end up gettin hurt again

By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

Chorus:
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they’ll take from me ’til everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid I’m out of touch
How do you expect I will know what to do
When all I know is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside

bong bong....

aaj anna se baat karte karte went abt 10 yrs bac n woh tagore ka pyara sa poem yaad aa gaya......

JODI TEO DAAK SUNE KEO NA AASHE
TOBE EKLA CHALO RE...
EKLA CHALO EKLA CHALO EKLA CHALO RE...
JODI TEO DAAK SUNE KEO NA AASHE TO BE EKLA CHALO RE..

JODI KEO KOTHA NA KOI...
ARE O RE O ABHAGA...
KEO KOTHA NA KOI...
JODI SOBAI THAKE MUKH PHIRIYE..
SOBAI KORE BHOI..
TOBE PRAN KHULIYE MUKH PHUTIYE
MANER KATHA EKLA BALO RE..

JODI TEO DAAK SUNE KEO NA AASHE TOBE EKLA CHALO RE...

i remember singing it at the Personality Contest at SPOORTHI,i had a tuf time translating it.the poem was basicaly meant for encouraging the freedom fighters to motivate them and drive all fears away.......jodi teo daak sune keo na aashe,(if no one comes when u call)tobe ekla chalo re(then go alone )..jodi keo kotha no koi(if no one speaks for u)jodi sobai thake mukh phiriye, sobai kore bhoi( if every1 turns away their face and every1 fears) tobe pran khuliye mukh phutiye maner katha ekla balo re(thn take courage and speak ur mind without fear.)
n teaching anila n vani the strange sounds of bengoli.....were fun..hostel life..miss it very much

Veechi's new space

Made a webpage for myself in geocities
http://www.geocities.com/vichikai/myspace.html
Will have to learn htmil for making better ones...

Ate jate....

Kal sara dil teen bar maine apni ram kahani likhi par har baar power cut aur bas...sayad mujhe itne jaldi apni autobiography nahin likhne chayiye....zindagi bahut lambi hain abhi aur bahut mod hain,bahut kaam hai, bahut time hai...apne 55th birthday pe start karoon to sayad theek rahega.........bhagvan na kare is beech mujhe amnesia aa jaye!!!
Mohabbat ki yeh intihaan ho gayi ki masti main tumko khuda keh gaya......bahut jaldi maan leti hoon main sabko, thts perhaps my weakest and strongest point. mother theresa kehti thi na" if u spend all your time scrutinising people u won't hav time to love them".....but i donno how practical this is but thts the way i am!! aur joey macintyre kehte hain" don't u ever wish tht u were some1 else coz u were ment to b wht u r now exactly...........believe in yourself you can touch the sky...!!" yeh sab to gane main achi lagti hain magar seriously sayad i wudn't like myself as much if i was not like this.......impulsive n bindas!!

Main aur meri tanhayi...

Main aur meri tanhayi aksar yeh baten karte hain...tum hote to aisa hota, tum hote to vaisa hota. magar do ireally want tht to haapen?? NAAH!!
khair, some1 told me don't will bad things to happen to you, so i better jeep my imaginations in place..